Jamie and I decided I would go ahead with the procedures our doctor recommended. We're hoping it will help us to conceive, of course. But there is still a good chance we won't be able to get pregnant. I'm ok with that and because the procedures have other potential benefits we decided it was worth it.
Originally I was hoping to have it done this month, but my doctor only operates on Mondays, and I would have to have it done on the 20th. Since I will be flying to Chicago (YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for a weekend with my mom and sisters on the 23rd, I decided that would be cutting it a little close. Most of my friends and relatives who've had laparascopies say they recovered in 48 hours or less. But on the off chance that I'm feeling bad for a week afterwards I don't want it to ruin my trip.
So we're looking at October, probably the 18th but possibly as early as the 11th or as late as the 25th. Can't wait to pig out on some ice cream :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Ten for the Tenth
Ten things that crack me up about Kona:
1. He tears out the back door every time we let him out in hopes of catching a bunny in the backyard. He's only been successful once (RIP, little bunny...)
2. He loves to ride in the car pretty much anywhere, but gets beside himself excited over a trip to the bank drive through. He's gotten a treat there like twice, but he has NEVER forgotten!
3. When we leave him out of his crate he sleeps on our couch (which is why we don't leave him out anymore). But when he hears us pull into the driveway, he runs into his crate before we come inside. Then he comes out stretching and yawning like we just woke him up from a long nap in his crate like maybe we won't know where he was even though there's still a warm, furry spot on our couch. Good try though.
4. He likes to sleep on his back with all 4 legs up in the air. If one leg starts to fall, he jerks awake, sticks it back up and falls back asleep.
5. He also likes to lay on his tummy with his back legs stuck straight out behind him. This makes him look ridiculously long.
6. He can't get any traction on our wood floors. It's too much fun to throw a ball in there for him to chase and watch him slip and slide like Bambi on the frozen pond and then crash into the back wall.
7. He never ever growls at anything ever. Except his basketball. Pull that out and he goes NUTS growling and snarling! He sounds so mean and vicious attacking that thing! You'd never guess he's just playing.
8. He's obsessed with toilet paper. Anytime I go into the bathroom, he follows me and stares at the roll hoping I will tear off a square for him to eat. He gets especially excited when we use up a roll and let him eat the tube.
9. His total over-the-top exuberance at meeting anyone new. You when the dog on UP says, "I have just met you and I love you." That is totally Kona.
10. His under bite. For real, you have to see it.
1. He tears out the back door every time we let him out in hopes of catching a bunny in the backyard. He's only been successful once (RIP, little bunny...)
2. He loves to ride in the car pretty much anywhere, but gets beside himself excited over a trip to the bank drive through. He's gotten a treat there like twice, but he has NEVER forgotten!
3. When we leave him out of his crate he sleeps on our couch (which is why we don't leave him out anymore). But when he hears us pull into the driveway, he runs into his crate before we come inside. Then he comes out stretching and yawning like we just woke him up from a long nap in his crate like maybe we won't know where he was even though there's still a warm, furry spot on our couch. Good try though.
4. He likes to sleep on his back with all 4 legs up in the air. If one leg starts to fall, he jerks awake, sticks it back up and falls back asleep.
5. He also likes to lay on his tummy with his back legs stuck straight out behind him. This makes him look ridiculously long.
6. He can't get any traction on our wood floors. It's too much fun to throw a ball in there for him to chase and watch him slip and slide like Bambi on the frozen pond and then crash into the back wall.
7. He never ever growls at anything ever. Except his basketball. Pull that out and he goes NUTS growling and snarling! He sounds so mean and vicious attacking that thing! You'd never guess he's just playing.
8. He's obsessed with toilet paper. Anytime I go into the bathroom, he follows me and stares at the roll hoping I will tear off a square for him to eat. He gets especially excited when we use up a roll and let him eat the tube.
9. His total over-the-top exuberance at meeting anyone new. You when the dog on UP says, "I have just met you and I love you." That is totally Kona.
10. His under bite. For real, you have to see it.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
August at a Glance
We finally made it to Savannah!! I've been wanting to visit this city since I moved to Georgia, and the wedding of a Hotalen family friend finally gave us an excuse to go. It was a short weekend, but I loved it and can't wait to go back!
We hung out on the beach at Tybee Island before the rehearsal dinner.
Saturday morning we took a trolley tour of historic Savannah with the wedding party and guests.
Forrest Gump even jumped on our trolley for a little bit and pointed to the bench where, as he said, "Tom Hanks portrayed me in that movie."
The wedding ceremony was in a chapel on the campus of a children's ranch. It was freakin' adorable.
Good times. Good company. I can't wait to go back sometime.
We hung out on the beach at Tybee Island before the rehearsal dinner.
Saturday morning we took a trolley tour of historic Savannah with the wedding party and guests.
Forrest Gump even jumped on our trolley for a little bit and pointed to the bench where, as he said, "Tom Hanks portrayed me in that movie."
The wedding ceremony was in a chapel on the campus of a children's ranch. It was freakin' adorable.
Good times. Good company. I can't wait to go back sometime.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
D-Day
**Disclaimer: today's post includes a medical discussion of our infertility issues. Words such as "endometrium" and "uterine" are included in the text below. Proceed with caution. Especially if you belong to the male species. You may choose to skip this post today and instead proceed to this exceedingly long continuation of our boy-meets-girl saga.**
Well Friday was D-Day. D for diagnosis. The day I went back to our IF specialist (technically called a reproductive endocrinologst or RE) to find out the results of the tests we've had done over the past two weeks. And hopefully to find out why we aren't getting pregnant and what we can do to change that.
Here's what we learned: the problems are all on my end, which is good because about a third of infertile couples are dealing with both female and male infertility issues. But they are a less than cut and dry. There's definitely something up with my uterine lining that's making it too thick. It could be a cyst, a polyp or a number of other things. And there is a 70-80% chance that I have endometriosis. Both of these things are treatable; the lining issue with a very minor surgical procedure and the endometriosis with a slightly more invasive but still relatively minor procedure. I also have polycystic ovaries, but NOT polycystic ovary syndrome (where a host of hormone issues are added to the polycystic ovaries; all my hormone levels are good). That's the good news.
The bad news is there's really no way to know if any of those things or a combination of them are what is causing our infertility or if treating them will cure it. My doctor quoted one study in which women with endometriosis were twice as likely to get pregnant after treatment. But the actual numbers went from 3-4% without treatment to about 6% after treatment. So, as she put it, "really low to still pretty low." It's kind of a crapshoot.
Basically, we have some options and some reason to hope there is still pregnancy in our future, but no promises.
No medical promises anyway. Friday was a little bit emotional, but I wasn't too discouraged. I know there is a plan for us and this is just one more step on the journey we're taking. And I know I'm going to be a mom at some point. How and when is the mystery.
So how do I feel after all that medical stuff? I'm not sure. Still hopeful, still peaceful and still believing there is something great for us down the road. But I HATE making decisions like this! I mean, I'd rather NOT go through surgery, but I'd really like to increase our chances of getting pregnant. I'd rather NOT deal with the short-term discomfort but it'll be totally worth it for the result if it works. I'd rather NOT pay for all this stuff if it's not going to be successful! We could use that money for our adoption if we choose to build our family that way.
These are the life decisions that are so difficult. I mean, sometimes when you consider God's plan for your life and wonder what He'd have you do, it's pretty obvious (Should I or should I not become a prostitute? for example or Should Jamie become a drug dealer to supplement our income?). But there's no right or wrong here. I fully believe whatever we decide is ok with my Heavenly Father and He'll still be in control either way. I don't believe God sits up in Heaven waiting for us to make the wrong choice so He can strike us down. But still I wish there was a way just to know for sure the best, least painful choice!
Of course, if we do decide to go the surgical route I'll get a whole week of being waited on by my husband (the RE said a 5-7 day recovery, and I will be taking 7 thank you very much). And hopefully as much ice cream as I can eat. Nothing can be all bad if it involves ice cream...
Well Friday was D-Day. D for diagnosis. The day I went back to our IF specialist (technically called a reproductive endocrinologst or RE) to find out the results of the tests we've had done over the past two weeks. And hopefully to find out why we aren't getting pregnant and what we can do to change that.
Here's what we learned: the problems are all on my end, which is good because about a third of infertile couples are dealing with both female and male infertility issues. But they are a less than cut and dry. There's definitely something up with my uterine lining that's making it too thick. It could be a cyst, a polyp or a number of other things. And there is a 70-80% chance that I have endometriosis. Both of these things are treatable; the lining issue with a very minor surgical procedure and the endometriosis with a slightly more invasive but still relatively minor procedure. I also have polycystic ovaries, but NOT polycystic ovary syndrome (where a host of hormone issues are added to the polycystic ovaries; all my hormone levels are good). That's the good news.
The bad news is there's really no way to know if any of those things or a combination of them are what is causing our infertility or if treating them will cure it. My doctor quoted one study in which women with endometriosis were twice as likely to get pregnant after treatment. But the actual numbers went from 3-4% without treatment to about 6% after treatment. So, as she put it, "really low to still pretty low." It's kind of a crapshoot.
Basically, we have some options and some reason to hope there is still pregnancy in our future, but no promises.
No medical promises anyway. Friday was a little bit emotional, but I wasn't too discouraged. I know there is a plan for us and this is just one more step on the journey we're taking. And I know I'm going to be a mom at some point. How and when is the mystery.
So how do I feel after all that medical stuff? I'm not sure. Still hopeful, still peaceful and still believing there is something great for us down the road. But I HATE making decisions like this! I mean, I'd rather NOT go through surgery, but I'd really like to increase our chances of getting pregnant. I'd rather NOT deal with the short-term discomfort but it'll be totally worth it for the result if it works. I'd rather NOT pay for all this stuff if it's not going to be successful! We could use that money for our adoption if we choose to build our family that way.
These are the life decisions that are so difficult. I mean, sometimes when you consider God's plan for your life and wonder what He'd have you do, it's pretty obvious (Should I or should I not become a prostitute? for example or Should Jamie become a drug dealer to supplement our income?). But there's no right or wrong here. I fully believe whatever we decide is ok with my Heavenly Father and He'll still be in control either way. I don't believe God sits up in Heaven waiting for us to make the wrong choice so He can strike us down. But still I wish there was a way just to know for sure the best, least painful choice!
Of course, if we do decide to go the surgical route I'll get a whole week of being waited on by my husband (the RE said a 5-7 day recovery, and I will be taking 7 thank you very much). And hopefully as much ice cream as I can eat. Nothing can be all bad if it involves ice cream...
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
My New Toy!
I'm not exactly all up on the latest technological gadgets (if you need proof, the last time I wrote about getting an exciting new toy it was a Swiffer Wet Jet). I still cannot, for the life of me, figure out what an iPad is for. Except of course making Steve Jobs richer.
But you don't need to be cool and technologically savvy if you've got a super hip brother-in-law!!
Last weekend when Shane passed through Buford on his way up to Toccoa he brought me an iPod Touch!
Isn't it pretty?? Not actually mine; I got this picture off a website. But mine looks like this one.
He bought himself a new Macbook for college and got the iPod as a free gift. But since he's way cooler than us, he already has an iPhone, so the iPod was pretty superfluous. And actually strictly speaking it's for me AND Jamie, but really it's mine and I don't let Jamie play with it. I feel sooo cool! It's a lot like the iPhone, minus the phone calls part. I can get on Facebook and check my email on it. I can even text on it. After Shane shows me how...And when I'm with a group of people and we're trying to schedule something, I can pull out my sweet looking iPod instead of my archaic date book (no offense, date book. I still love you). If everyone else I know didn't already have an iPhone, they'd be so jealous!
Now all I need to do is fill it with music and apps. So if you've got any can't-live-without apps on your own nifty Apple products, let me know!
P.S. When I spell checked this, spell checker didn't recognize the words "iPod", iPhone", "Macbook" or "Facebook". So I am most definitely cooler than Blogger apparently.
But you don't need to be cool and technologically savvy if you've got a super hip brother-in-law!!
Last weekend when Shane passed through Buford on his way up to Toccoa he brought me an iPod Touch!
Isn't it pretty?? Not actually mine; I got this picture off a website. But mine looks like this one.
He bought himself a new Macbook for college and got the iPod as a free gift. But since he's way cooler than us, he already has an iPhone, so the iPod was pretty superfluous. And actually strictly speaking it's for me AND Jamie, but really it's mine and I don't let Jamie play with it. I feel sooo cool! It's a lot like the iPhone, minus the phone calls part. I can get on Facebook and check my email on it. I can even text on it. After Shane shows me how...And when I'm with a group of people and we're trying to schedule something, I can pull out my sweet looking iPod instead of my archaic date book (no offense, date book. I still love you). If everyone else I know didn't already have an iPhone, they'd be so jealous!
Now all I need to do is fill it with music and apps. So if you've got any can't-live-without apps on your own nifty Apple products, let me know!
P.S. When I spell checked this, spell checker didn't recognize the words "iPod", iPhone", "Macbook" or "Facebook". So I am most definitely cooler than Blogger apparently.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Continued...
The second shot-through-the-heart comment came from a friend (which, wow talk about your divine appointments. In the future, I'll have to share exactly how me and this friend ended up spending 3 1/2 hours talking over lunch at PF Chang's this week).
At some point during that over 3 hour conversation she was sharing some of her struggles and said it took her a long time to come to grips with the fact that God was allowing this because He loves her. Not that He loves her in spite of her difficult situation. Not just that life is hard but God is still loving. But that it was because of God's love for her that He was allowing the hurt.
That messed with me.
I hadn't quite thought about it that way. I'd tried really hard on days that I was really hurting to convince myself that God was still good, still loved me, still wanted what was best for me. But it was a tough sell.
And it had never even crossed my mind that maybe God was allowing this BECAUSE He loves me. Maybe this - the pain and the disappointment and the frustration - were actually the best thing for me. Maybe God in His infinite wisdom knows the end result of all this and knows that I can't get where I'm going unless I walk through this now.
I have no idea how this story will unfold. Maybe Jamie and I will have our own biological babies or maybe we'll adopt. Maybe both. I could find out I'm pregnant tomorrow or I could never carry my own little ones.
But as I thought about what she said, I realized a day will come when I look at my family and can see how God put it all together. I know that whether my children are biological or adopted they'll be well worth the wait. But I don't want to wait until they're here in my arms to experience God's love for me in this valley. There are a lot of opportunities for me to grow right now - to learn to love my Savior even more, to trust Him when it's tough, to turn to Him in brokenness instead of lashing out in bitterness, to be faithful even when I don't know what tomorrow holds, to lay down my agenda for my life and open myself up to His. I know God knows my heartache and hurts for me, but He's letting me go through this for a reason, and I don't want to miss out on the hidden blessings.
And if I am faithful, if I accept this as an experience that challenges me to grow and become more loving, more faithful, more patient then when the time comes, I'll be an even better mom to my children. A mom who can teach them to love God and cling to Him when life hurts because I've been there.
Even though I hate the hurting part of it and the waiting and longing, I'm grateful for a God who loves me enough to let me be broken and to use my brokeness to make me more like Him. And I'm so so excited to see how this story unfolds.
At some point during that over 3 hour conversation she was sharing some of her struggles and said it took her a long time to come to grips with the fact that God was allowing this because He loves her. Not that He loves her in spite of her difficult situation. Not just that life is hard but God is still loving. But that it was because of God's love for her that He was allowing the hurt.
That messed with me.
I hadn't quite thought about it that way. I'd tried really hard on days that I was really hurting to convince myself that God was still good, still loved me, still wanted what was best for me. But it was a tough sell.
And it had never even crossed my mind that maybe God was allowing this BECAUSE He loves me. Maybe this - the pain and the disappointment and the frustration - were actually the best thing for me. Maybe God in His infinite wisdom knows the end result of all this and knows that I can't get where I'm going unless I walk through this now.
I have no idea how this story will unfold. Maybe Jamie and I will have our own biological babies or maybe we'll adopt. Maybe both. I could find out I'm pregnant tomorrow or I could never carry my own little ones.
But as I thought about what she said, I realized a day will come when I look at my family and can see how God put it all together. I know that whether my children are biological or adopted they'll be well worth the wait. But I don't want to wait until they're here in my arms to experience God's love for me in this valley. There are a lot of opportunities for me to grow right now - to learn to love my Savior even more, to trust Him when it's tough, to turn to Him in brokenness instead of lashing out in bitterness, to be faithful even when I don't know what tomorrow holds, to lay down my agenda for my life and open myself up to His. I know God knows my heartache and hurts for me, but He's letting me go through this for a reason, and I don't want to miss out on the hidden blessings.
And if I am faithful, if I accept this as an experience that challenges me to grow and become more loving, more faithful, more patient then when the time comes, I'll be an even better mom to my children. A mom who can teach them to love God and cling to Him when life hurts because I've been there.
Even though I hate the hurting part of it and the waiting and longing, I'm grateful for a God who loves me enough to let me be broken and to use my brokeness to make me more like Him. And I'm so so excited to see how this story unfolds.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Prickly Pear Heart
Twice in two days someone said something to me that hit me so hard it almost knocked the breath outta me. That sounds like exaggeration. But it really isn't. Twice I went, "Whoa" not just with my mouth but with my heart. So now I have a cactus heart - conviction sticking it like a pin cushion. And so I feel I should do what every good Christian does with conviction - Blog about it. (Right?)
The first came on Sunday during church. Our church is doing a series called "Do Hard Things" based on the book by the same name (which, if what I've heard is to be believed, should be read by every person between the ages of 12 and 22 on this planet; so if you're between the ages of 12 and 22, buy it and if not, buy it for someone who is. At least, that's what I'm told. I haven't read it). Now, the whole concept of doing hard things was challenging. Especially when our pastor spoke about doing small hard things. I'll be honest, me and the little voice within who likes to say "But I don't WANT to!" are like BFFs. So being consistent in the little hard things like loving on my husband when he's being particularly unlovable (who Jamie?? NEVER!) is not a real hobby of mine. Maybe I should work on that.
But that's not what REALLY hit me. What REALLY hit me was this comment:
"When we set high expectations of God and low expectations of ourselves, we can play the victim."
Like, ouch, man. That is totally me. So. Totally. Me. Because, like our pastor said on Sunday, being the victim is easy. Being the victim means this is not MY fault, it's yours (or in this case His). If I'm the victim I can feel sorry for me and mad at you.
If I'm the victim, I don't have to change.
Yeah that hit me right in the gut. Maybe, just maybe it's time I stop feeling sorry for me and start expecting a little more from myself - a little more faithfulness, a little more trust, a little more discipline. A little more love, a little more sacrifice and less "But I don't WANT to".
What if - what if - I had high expectations of God and myself. What if I expected God to be and do exactly what He promises He will and yet don't let myself off the hook.
What if?
Maybe I'd see some of the blessings I'm blind to now. Maybe instead of feeling bitterness and anger toward God when things don't go my way, maybe I'd feel hope. Maybe instead of feeling anger toward God I'd feel comfort from Him. Maybe instead of pulling me away from Him, the crappy stuff that happens in life would send me running for His arms. Which is where I really want to be anyway. And where He wants me to be.
The first came on Sunday during church. Our church is doing a series called "Do Hard Things" based on the book by the same name (which, if what I've heard is to be believed, should be read by every person between the ages of 12 and 22 on this planet; so if you're between the ages of 12 and 22, buy it and if not, buy it for someone who is. At least, that's what I'm told. I haven't read it). Now, the whole concept of doing hard things was challenging. Especially when our pastor spoke about doing small hard things. I'll be honest, me and the little voice within who likes to say "But I don't WANT to!" are like BFFs. So being consistent in the little hard things like loving on my husband when he's being particularly unlovable (who Jamie?? NEVER!) is not a real hobby of mine. Maybe I should work on that.
But that's not what REALLY hit me. What REALLY hit me was this comment:
"When we set high expectations of God and low expectations of ourselves, we can play the victim."
Like, ouch, man. That is totally me. So. Totally. Me. Because, like our pastor said on Sunday, being the victim is easy. Being the victim means this is not MY fault, it's yours (or in this case His). If I'm the victim I can feel sorry for me and mad at you.
If I'm the victim, I don't have to change.
Yeah that hit me right in the gut. Maybe, just maybe it's time I stop feeling sorry for me and start expecting a little more from myself - a little more faithfulness, a little more trust, a little more discipline. A little more love, a little more sacrifice and less "But I don't WANT to".
What if - what if - I had high expectations of God and myself. What if I expected God to be and do exactly what He promises He will and yet don't let myself off the hook.
What if?
Maybe I'd see some of the blessings I'm blind to now. Maybe instead of feeling bitterness and anger toward God when things don't go my way, maybe I'd feel hope. Maybe instead of feeling anger toward God I'd feel comfort from Him. Maybe instead of pulling me away from Him, the crappy stuff that happens in life would send me running for His arms. Which is where I really want to be anyway. And where He wants me to be.
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