How to Handle Tornado Warnings

Step one: Go on weather.com, look up the satellite map for your area; watch the scary red part get closer and closer to you. Begin to panic.

Step two: Walk frantically around your house looking out each and every door and window hoping that perhaps the tornado will have a neon sign pointing it out for you.

Step three: Get all the pillows and blankets out of your spare rooms and pile them in your interior windowless bathroom. Repeat step two.

Step four: Check the satellite map again. Continue panicking.

Step five: Gather a book, a flashlight, your laptop (still displaying the weather map, of course) and a water bottle. Sit in the rocker next to your sleeping baby's crib ready to swoop her up along with your gear and run to the bathroom if necessary.

Step six: Freak out at every sound assuming it's the approaching tornado. Repeat step two.

Step seven: Watch the storm pass harmlessly over you on the satellite map. Start to feel silly.

Step eight: Read the update on weather.com that the tornado warning is cancelled. Feel even sillier.

Step nine: Clean up the big mess you made in the bathroom with all the pillows and blankets. Remake all the beds. Continue to feel even sillier.

Step ten: Move back to Jersey.