I've always been a grass-is-greener person. No matter where I am in life I feel like I'd be just a little happier somewhere else. When I was in high school, I was sure I'd be happier in college (actually I was so...), in college I was sure I'd be happier out in the "real world", when I was jobless I was sure I'd be happier working, and then when I was working I was sure I'd be happier at home! (and then when I was unemployed again, I wanted to be working....and then when I was working again I wanted to be home...)
I am fighting SO HARD to not let that attitude creep into this pregnancy! I find myself thinking If we can just make it to second trimester, than I'll relax and enjoy my pregnancy. I want to rush ahead to registering and decorating the nursery and buying maternity clothes even though I'm not at that point yet. It's hard for me to not think I'll be happier when...
But I am really making an effort to slow down, enjoy it, soak it all in. Because there's a big question that always remains in the back of my head - Will this pregnancy be my only pregnancy?
The fact is an infertile couple doesn't cease to be an infertile couple just because they get pregnant. It's possible we may never have any trouble again! We hope we'll go on to have 2 or 3 or 6 more pregnancies without a glitch. It's also possible that this one pregnancy is our miracle, our one trip down the pregnancy road.
And if that's the case, I want to soak in every.single.moment.
It's said that every cloud has a silver lining and one of the blessings of infertility is the deepened appreciation it's given me for the gift of this pregnancy. Delayed gratification and all that. I wanted it SO much for so long and I realize I may never have it again, so I am determined to enjoy the heck out of it!
So right now I'm tired and I have to get up to go to the bathroom 17 times a night and I can't seem to sleep and I bawled my eyes out over "Oliver and Company" and a news story about a lost seeing eye dog. But I won't complain about any of that! Because I know what it all means. It means a dream come true. And though I want to skip ahead - to my next doctor's appointment when we'll be safely out of the first trimester, to the day I finally start to "show", to the day we get to decorate our nursery - I will do my best to live in the right now and remember that each second of this pregnancy is a blessing.
Update 2/11/2011 12:50 PM I just got home from Target. I bought a couple maternity shirts. I don't need them yet. I just wanted to. There I go, rushing ahead :)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Nazi Officers Wife
I'm not at all qualified to write a book review, but I want to share my layperson's thoughts on the book I'm reading right now.
It's an autobiography - true stories are always my favorite - about a Jewish woman in Austria during World War II. I love biographies, love reading about the World War II era, so this already has a lot going for it.
Here's the amazing part: unlike the Jewish men and women in "The Hiding Place" and Anne Frank, Edith Hahn spent a good portion of the Holacaust hiding right out in the open. As the wife of a German Nazi officer.
After being sent to labor on a German farm and then a paper factory, Edith was sent back to Austria to travel with her family to the ghettos in Poland. However, her family was shipped out before she got home and she decided to take a huge risk - she took the star off her coat and didn't report as scheduled to go to Poland. Instead, she found a friend willing to lie to Nazi officials, telling them she lost her official papers declaring her an Aryan. She was issued a second set, which she gave to Edith. Because they had now both assumed the same identity, Edith could no longer live in the same town as her friend so she fled. To Germany, the thick of the Nazi regime.
A German man falls in love with her and marries her even after she confesses that she is actually Jewish. And so for the remainder of the war, she lives in Nazi Germany as the wife of a German man who later becomes an officer in the Nazi army. Not only is she thought to be a good German citizen, but as a German housewife and mother, she is one of Germany's prized possessions!
Obviously what she endured was not as horrific as the suffering those in labor camps were put through. But still to read about what she went through is fascinating! To be greeted by "Heil Hitler" and pictures of the man who was destroying her family and friends everywhere she went, to listen to conversations praising "our great Fuhrer" and say nothing, all the while not knowing if her family was dead or alive...it was so interesting! She was a highly educated, intelligent woman who assumed a character of a simple-minded Red Cross volunteer to survive.
It's not the best book I've ever read about this era, but it's definitely a different look at how some Jewish people survived! I give my hightly sought after recommendation :-)
It's an autobiography - true stories are always my favorite - about a Jewish woman in Austria during World War II. I love biographies, love reading about the World War II era, so this already has a lot going for it.
Here's the amazing part: unlike the Jewish men and women in "The Hiding Place" and Anne Frank, Edith Hahn spent a good portion of the Holacaust hiding right out in the open. As the wife of a German Nazi officer.
After being sent to labor on a German farm and then a paper factory, Edith was sent back to Austria to travel with her family to the ghettos in Poland. However, her family was shipped out before she got home and she decided to take a huge risk - she took the star off her coat and didn't report as scheduled to go to Poland. Instead, she found a friend willing to lie to Nazi officials, telling them she lost her official papers declaring her an Aryan. She was issued a second set, which she gave to Edith. Because they had now both assumed the same identity, Edith could no longer live in the same town as her friend so she fled. To Germany, the thick of the Nazi regime.
A German man falls in love with her and marries her even after she confesses that she is actually Jewish. And so for the remainder of the war, she lives in Nazi Germany as the wife of a German man who later becomes an officer in the Nazi army. Not only is she thought to be a good German citizen, but as a German housewife and mother, she is one of Germany's prized possessions!
Obviously what she endured was not as horrific as the suffering those in labor camps were put through. But still to read about what she went through is fascinating! To be greeted by "Heil Hitler" and pictures of the man who was destroying her family and friends everywhere she went, to listen to conversations praising "our great Fuhrer" and say nothing, all the while not knowing if her family was dead or alive...it was so interesting! She was a highly educated, intelligent woman who assumed a character of a simple-minded Red Cross volunteer to survive.
It's not the best book I've ever read about this era, but it's definitely a different look at how some Jewish people survived! I give my hightly sought after recommendation :-)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Girlfriends
Friday night I had the pleasure of going to dinner with three of my 12Stone girlfriends. It was WONDERFUL! We spent 3 hours eating and talking and just catching up. While I still struggle a little bit with feeling that Buford is not quite "home", I have really made some great friends here.
The best part of our evening was that all of us are in the mom phase of life. We all either had babies, are expecting babies or are planning to have babies soon! So, of course we talked about babies the WHOLE night.
And for the first time in a while, I got to just enjoy it! I loved planning this dinner and not having to emotionally prepare myself for the baby talk. I loved joining in and adding my own experiences so far! I loved hearing the other girls who are farther along the mom path than I am share their stories, knowing that would definitely be me someday soon! Instead of wishing, hoping and hurting.
It was wonderful and I felt so so blessed!! God is good :-)
The best part of our evening was that all of us are in the mom phase of life. We all either had babies, are expecting babies or are planning to have babies soon! So, of course we talked about babies the WHOLE night.
And for the first time in a while, I got to just enjoy it! I loved planning this dinner and not having to emotionally prepare myself for the baby talk. I loved joining in and adding my own experiences so far! I loved hearing the other girls who are farther along the mom path than I am share their stories, knowing that would definitely be me someday soon! Instead of wishing, hoping and hurting.
It was wonderful and I felt so so blessed!! God is good :-)
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Official Baby Pool!
So I was going to wait a little while to do this, but I got excited :-)
Here's the link so you can go on and enter your guesses!
You can guess the baby's gender, birthday, weight and length. Winner gets the pleasure of knowing they're not a loser!
Here's the link so you can go on and enter your guesses!
You can guess the baby's gender, birthday, weight and length. Winner gets the pleasure of knowing they're not a loser!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Telling People - Pregnancy Edition
As you can probably guess, telling people about our pregnancy has been about as much fun as a person can legally have. Friends and family have been so supportive and excited for us! It has really confirmed my decisions to be open about our infertility. Allowing people to be a part of our struggle has really allowed people to be a part of our joy, too.
When I made our pregnancy "Facebook official" (because until it's on Facebook, it ain't real!), I got a ton of excited encouraging comments on the sonogram photo I posted. One friend-of-a-friend said, "It's about time! I was wondering what you guys did with all that alone time." Now, to be clear, I was NOT at all upset by that comment. But it did make me think. What if we hadn't told our friends and family what we were going through? Could I have handled it if I was getting those "It's about time!" comments from everyone? I'll be honest, I don't think I could have.
I strongly believe that every child is a blessing, and I don't think our baby is more special than any other or will be more loved than any other. But spending some time in the darkness makes the sun seem a whole lot brighter! And I'm glad our friends and family were able to comfort and pray for us during our "darkness" and can join in the celebration now!
When I made our pregnancy "Facebook official" (because until it's on Facebook, it ain't real!), I got a ton of excited encouraging comments on the sonogram photo I posted. One friend-of-a-friend said, "It's about time! I was wondering what you guys did with all that alone time." Now, to be clear, I was NOT at all upset by that comment. But it did make me think. What if we hadn't told our friends and family what we were going through? Could I have handled it if I was getting those "It's about time!" comments from everyone? I'll be honest, I don't think I could have.
I strongly believe that every child is a blessing, and I don't think our baby is more special than any other or will be more loved than any other. But spending some time in the darkness makes the sun seem a whole lot brighter! And I'm glad our friends and family were able to comfort and pray for us during our "darkness" and can join in the celebration now!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Our Little Miracle
Most of you who read this already know, so this might not be a big surprise but...
We're due in August and absolutely COULD NOT be happier!! We were shocked and ecstatic to find out we're expecting. Here's the story :)
On November 1st, I had my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy. Before the surgery, I had to be on birth control (ah irony...) which I stopped the day before the surgery. Because of the birth control and other drugs and the surgery itself, I was told not to be concerned if my normal cycle didn't return right away. My doctor said to call for a prescription to "jumpstart" things if my cycle didn't return to normal.
In December, I decided it had been long enough and I should call my doctor and ask for the prescription. Ironically, I put it off for a few days because I knew they'd want me to take a pregnancy test first, and I was tired of taking pregnancy tests and watching them turn negative. Too depressing. So I waited until just before Christmas and called the office. No one answered so I left a message leading to a week-long game of phone tag that I finally gave up on because we went to New Jersey for Christmas.
When we got home I decided I needed to call and get that medicine. So when I woke up our first morning home I took a pregnancy test expecting it to be negative. My plan was to take the test and then call my doctor, explain that my normal cycle hadn't returned and I was not pregnant and ask for the drug. But much to my surprise....IT WAS POSITIVE!! I was completely shocked! I spent several seconds staring at the test and the instructions thinking, "I MUST be reading this wrong!" Jamie had already left for work so I had to wait all day to tell him. It was TORTURE!!
When Jamie got home from work that night I had a gift for him. I had wrapped up a baby's first Christmas outfit and the test with the very positive result. I left it sitting in what I thought was a conspicuous place, but he didn't notice (testimony to how disorganized our house is). Finally I said, "Don't you want to open your present?" When he unwrapped it, he just stared at it trying to put it all together. I told him, "We're going to need that next year." He looked at it again and finally said, "Are you serious?" He was completely surprised and as excited as a person can possibly be! We were already 7 weeks along and neither one of us had suspected anything was up!
We've had so much fun telling friends and family over the past few weeks and have gotten to see our little peanut twice on ultrasounds. Watching that little heartbeat pumping away was the BEST THING EVER. I'm 10 weeks along and so far feeling absolutely great. No morning sickness or anything. I'm so very happy and feeling so blessed and excited!!
I'm looking forward to all the fun (and even the not so fun!) things pregnancy will bring in the next few months! And especially looking forward to meeting this little one in August.
I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has encouraged and prayed for us over the past 18 months! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
WE'RE PREGNANT!!!
We're due in August and absolutely COULD NOT be happier!! We were shocked and ecstatic to find out we're expecting. Here's the story :)
On November 1st, I had my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy. Before the surgery, I had to be on birth control (ah irony...) which I stopped the day before the surgery. Because of the birth control and other drugs and the surgery itself, I was told not to be concerned if my normal cycle didn't return right away. My doctor said to call for a prescription to "jumpstart" things if my cycle didn't return to normal.
In December, I decided it had been long enough and I should call my doctor and ask for the prescription. Ironically, I put it off for a few days because I knew they'd want me to take a pregnancy test first, and I was tired of taking pregnancy tests and watching them turn negative. Too depressing. So I waited until just before Christmas and called the office. No one answered so I left a message leading to a week-long game of phone tag that I finally gave up on because we went to New Jersey for Christmas.
When we got home I decided I needed to call and get that medicine. So when I woke up our first morning home I took a pregnancy test expecting it to be negative. My plan was to take the test and then call my doctor, explain that my normal cycle hadn't returned and I was not pregnant and ask for the drug. But much to my surprise....IT WAS POSITIVE!! I was completely shocked! I spent several seconds staring at the test and the instructions thinking, "I MUST be reading this wrong!" Jamie had already left for work so I had to wait all day to tell him. It was TORTURE!!
When Jamie got home from work that night I had a gift for him. I had wrapped up a baby's first Christmas outfit and the test with the very positive result. I left it sitting in what I thought was a conspicuous place, but he didn't notice (testimony to how disorganized our house is). Finally I said, "Don't you want to open your present?" When he unwrapped it, he just stared at it trying to put it all together. I told him, "We're going to need that next year." He looked at it again and finally said, "Are you serious?" He was completely surprised and as excited as a person can possibly be! We were already 7 weeks along and neither one of us had suspected anything was up!
We've had so much fun telling friends and family over the past few weeks and have gotten to see our little peanut twice on ultrasounds. Watching that little heartbeat pumping away was the BEST THING EVER. I'm 10 weeks along and so far feeling absolutely great. No morning sickness or anything. I'm so very happy and feeling so blessed and excited!!
I'm looking forward to all the fun (and even the not so fun!) things pregnancy will bring in the next few months! And especially looking forward to meeting this little one in August.
I cannot say thank you enough to everyone who has encouraged and prayed for us over the past 18 months! Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Monday, January 10, 2011
Our Winter Wonderland
Enjoying the snow together. Notice the chocolate still on Jamie's face from our s'mores earlier :)
Our house looking so pretty in the snow.
The snow in front of our front door. We had to dig our way out.
Me and Kona :)
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