For the first time since moving to Georgia, I've been feeling really, truly lonely. I've felt homesick before, but never really lonely. In fact, Georgia feels more like home now than it ever has before, and yet I'm more lonely than I've ever been, too. Go figure.
I think it's a combination of things. I haven't been home in a really long time. And though of course wherever Jamie is, is home to me, there's just something about the house that I grew up in that will always make it home too. There's a part of me there with the people I love in the place I spent my childhood that needs to be revisited from time to time. And it's been too long. And I think that makes me feel lonely.
I also think it has something to do with the journey of making friends in Georgia, which has not been all that easy. I know a lot of people here and would call many of them friends. But time and again I've found those relationships stall out at the somewhat casual friendship level. And I'm really longing for a Georgia "family". The type of friends who know me deeply, who I can talk to about anything. I really would love to have a tightknit group of girlfriends here and that's been tough to come by. I need a Georgia Kristy and a Georgia Britt. Maybe I'll ask Santa for that this year.
My little friend infertility has something to do with it, too. There's just something really isolating about feeling very different from every other girl I know. I told Jamie recently, "It's like there's this secret club of women that I'm not invited to join but everyone else is." It's worse than being voted out of the 5th grade clique, and that was pretty bad (although I was voted out for defending another girl when they tried to vote her out, so at least I had my integrity to keep me company).
I hate being whiny and woe-is-me (like Eeyore, the world's most annoying donkey; But that's another rant for another day). And truth be told, I'm not miserable or unhappy. Just a little bit lonely. And I thought maybe I'd feel better if I wrote about it. Thanks for letting me vent :)
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5 comments:
Tara, I just wanted you to know that I miss you every day! Even though I didn't see you that often when you were here, I really feel the void since you've been gone so long. I also can understand a little of your loneliness. My closest girlfriends are busy in their jobs, and I rarely get to see them, or just hang out. Mostly talk to them on the phone or on Facebook, so I often feel lonely too. Thank you for venting; I needed to vent too! Now , no more Eeyore-ing! Can't wait to see you!
Love, Aunt Linda :-)
I think you should get a webcam and skype. Then I will leave mine on all the time and you can be on all the time and it will be like we are together:)
I love you!!!!
I agree with Shannon about the Skype thing! I think knowing you're coming home for Christmas can make loneliness worse too...I always feel most homesick when I know I'm going home soon. And speaking of which - I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU!!!!! Less than a month! I love you and I'm praying for you!
When I lived alone in my apartment, I used to try to figure out how long I could be dead or missing before someone became concerned.
Sorry about your loneliness. I hope you are indeed feeling better after writing this post. Maybe a Colorado visit would help! =)
Thanks to Skype (thank you Joel) I am able to talk with anyone on line when I come on line. Mostly, I get talk with Rebecca and Donald as they are the ones on line when I am. I even got to see Rebecca's room via Skype, the school will not allow me up there when we visit. Hope to talk with you on Skype soon. Also, I am the closest one to you if you want to visit when not working.
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