Can You Hear See Me Now?

The littlest Hotalen would like to know:

"Can you see me now?"

I certainly can! What do you think? Do you see a big difference from 3 weeks ago?

Worth Sharing

I do not know this family or their whole story. I do know that due to lack of space in the local childrens homes, their children were living in an adult prison in Uganda. This is their homecoming.

7 Days

7 days until our next ultrasound.

7 days until we get to see this baby again.

7 days until we find out if we have a son or daughter.

7 days that cannot go by fast enough!

So Glad He Gets It

Phone call with Jamie as he heads home from the gym:

Jamie: What's wrong?
Me: Nothing. I'm just in a really bad mood.
Jamie: I'm sorry. Do you want me to pick you up anything from the store?
Me: We have ice cream and cookies here from this weekend so I think I've got all my bad mood food covered.
Jamie: Ok, well stuff yourself.
Me: I'm almost done the first sleeve of Thin Mints.
Jamie: Well, start on the second. Remember, you're eating for two bad moods now.

Do You See It?

I was told twice last week that I'm getting a belly. I don't really see it. Although, I have invested in and gotten good use out of a belly band. To be fair, I think it has a lot more to do with the gallon of water my doctor is insisting I drink daily than the itty bitty baby I'm growing.

But still, I thought I better start documenting before I really start showing.

So what do you think? Do you see anything?

By the way, this picture requires a lot of explanation. I look like that because I was about to clean my house and decided I'd rather waste time playing with my camera than clean. I'm pasty and pale because it's winter and I'm fair. That's the breaks. I'm standing in the middle of an open room instead of in front of a wall or something that would give you some perspective because it was the only place I could find to set my camera up and do a decent timer shot. Jamie was at work so he couldn't help. This was in the afternoon - 2 meals, 2 snacks and 1/2 gallon of water into the day. So I admit, when I wake up in the morning the belly that might be there in this shot is not present.

Maybe there's no actual baby bump yet, but when I post another picture in a few weeks, you'll be able to look back at this one and say, "NOW I see it!"

And now I'm going to take my poor neglected puppy for a walk in this gorgeous 70 degree weather. That way when I start getting a for real bump, I'll know it's not just the extra ice cream I've been eating.

A Very Valentine-y Post

I volunteer as a small group leader for the 8th grade girls at our church. My girls are amazing. I love them. I will miss them a whole bunch when a new baby and their middle school graduation end our weekly meetings this August.

This month of February, the month of Valentines when everyone is thinking and talking about L-O-V-E we're doing a series on sex which our pastor is calling simply, "Boys and Girls". I LOVE doing this series. We go through something similar each year at this time, and I always look forward to it. Because I have such a strong passion for teaching young, Christian girls about sex and intimacy the right way.

Last year when we were in this series, I asked my girls to tell me what they would think sex is like if they knew only what they've learned in church and at home. They used words like "wrong", "dirty", and "sinful" to describe it. "What about if you knew only what you've learned from school and movies and songs?" Their words then changed to "fun" "free" "passionate".

It broke my heart. For real. Because it's completely opposite of what they should be hearing!

I read this post today and thought That's what I'm fighting against for my girls. This married lady talks about the shame and guilt she associated with sex even inside her own marriage.

One of my lofty, dreamy, probably-ain't-ever-gonna-happen goals in life is to address this issue on a much larger scale. As an author, or a speaker at girls' retreats. Because I think, as a church, we're doing it all wrong.

I thank God for my family, my amazing parents who somehow managed to raise me with three very basic principles in regards to sex:
1. It's for marriage.
2. It was God's idea
3. And it rocks. (Although, I admit, I don't think my mom actually ever used that term exactly)

That's what young kids should be hearing from the church. Why do we use lies and shame and fear to try to keep kids from having sex outside of marriage? Are we doing kids a favor by teaching them that sex is wrong and that the consequences will tear them up? I don't think so.

Here's what I want my girls to know:
Sex is great. It's worth waiting for. You will reap the blessings of waiting for the rest of your life.
You were created for sex with your husband. There's nothing wrong or guilty or shameful in wanting to be physically intimate with someone. That means your body is working right! And if you practice a little self control now and avoid temptation as much as possible, you get to enjoy that all the more later!
Fidelity is a habit. You do not instantly gain the ability to be faithful to your spouse the day you say "I do". When you practice saying no to going "too far" with a boyfriend now, you are building into your future marriage. You're practicing the faithfulness that will safeguard your marriage in the future.
No one is born pure, so there's no "losing" your purity, a phrase the church is fond of. We're all born sinful. To desire sexual gratification outside of marriage is the way we're wired. We don't keep our purity by crossing our legs, we gain it by being in the Word, by drawing as close to Christ as we can, by seeking out Godly accountability, by being cautious about the messages we take in about sex through movies and music. And we learn about sex the way God created it and strive to keep it that way.
And, yes, there are consequences to misusing sex. I don't want to sugarcoat that part. There are consequences, there are risks of disease and pregnancy. There is guilt and a loss of the perfect plan God had. And there is also grace to restore.

What I long for, is for my girs to know that sex is good. That it adds a depth of intimacy to a relationship that is beautiful. And that it is worth waiting for. Not because of the shame and guilt and consequences you'll suffer if you don't wait, but because of the blessings you reap when you do. I don't want them to think that sex is wrong or dirty or sinful. I want them to know that it's great and when the time comes they're gonna love it :)

A Bad Case of the Jumpies

I haven't had many pregnancy symptoms. Morning sickness has skipped over me along with food aversions and any strong food cravings (so far). Although, I've always hated trimming fat off of raw chicken and now it literally makes me gag so maybe that's an aversion.

But one symptom has been very entertaining for Jamie and I: I'm so, SO jumpy! Last night I was putting away some cookies and Jamie decided he wanted one, so he said, "Wait!" Except I thought he was in the other room. I jumped a foot in the air and I think my heart literally stopped for a second. And that's just one of many instances. My boss scares me every time she walks into my office. My phone startles me every time it rings. It's getting a little ridiculous.

I know that might not be a by-the-book pregnancy symptom, but I'm absolutely certain they're related.

So if you see me out and want to say hi, please do so quietly. Or at least be understanding when your kind hello makes me jump a mile.

And speaking of nervous...prayers for our next appointment on Monday will be appreciated! I'm so nervous about it!! We'll be 14 weeks by then, meaning our risk of miscarriage will have dropped significantly. To me, making it to this appointment safely means I can finally relax, and really start planning for the future. I'm really anxious. After a lot of disappointment, it's hard for me to believe this is really going to happen. I keep expecting something bad to happen. So this appointment has me really worked up. Please pray we get to hear that beautiful, strong heartbeat and our little peanut is growing and healthy!!